Where I've Been....

This blog has been seriously neglected – I apologize for that. but for my two faithful readers, you know I have had a busy couple of weeks.

I had been dreading July 1 for a long time. Cam was leaving for his annual surfing trip, leaving Gates & I to really spend some quality time together (!!!). for those of you with multiple kids, I know you don’t feel much sympathy, but for me – it was a lot to swallow to think of 8 days with a 2 year old without Cam’s help.
But I had no idea that July 1 would be so difficult for me for an entirely different reason – my sweet Nana went to be with the Lord that morning. This is my mom’s mom – my biggest cheerleader and Gates’s biggest fan. She had been ill for so many years – dating back to before my mom died. She always bounced back. She was like a cat with nine lives – so she almost became invincible in my eyes. But this time, it was different. She was so sick and in a lot of pain. Diagnosing her was a challenge; once diagnosed – ‘fixing’ her was a bigger challenge. One problem was fixed and another would surface. This was no way to live. My aunt, my mom’s sister, is truly an amazing woman. She has the biggest heart of nearly anyone I have met. She has loved my sister & I as her own since my mom’s passing (thank God for that) and is a nurturer, no doubt. Her and her husband moved from California to Austin to take care of nana 11 years ago and they have been by her side since. My aunt was by Nana’s side when she took her last breaths on July 1, too. What a painful and precious moment.

So when I heard the news, I was devastated. Cam had not yet left for the airport and was wanting to cancel his trip – I told him to please go and to have fun. I knew there was nothing he could do for me, if he stayed. And although I am so glad he went, I realized shortly after he left what a source of strength and comfort that man is to me. I was lost without him during this time. I was grieving alone (all my mom’s family was in Austin & my dad was in Italy) and it was rough. My in-laws proved to be family, in every sense of the word. They helped with Gates, Cam’s mom was there for me to talk to, and I just knew they were the support I needed during this time.

So – without going into further detail – I drove to Austin for the viewing and funeral on July 4 -5. I stayed with my sister and enjoyed every second of that – she always makes me feel comfortable. Which is the exact reason I wanted a sibling for Gates. There is something SO magical about my sister & I’s relationship. We just get each other. I don’t know how else to explain it. The viewing was difficult, nana didn’t look like herself at all and it really hit me she was gone when I saw her laying there. Death is never easy. The funeral was beautiful. I had a chance to say a few things that I wanted to say – and although it might not have been as eloquent as I would have liked – it summed up how I feel about my nana. One of the hardest parts for me was knowing that the sweet precious peanut in my belly will never get to meet nana. The same nana who insisted I wait to make sure she get to Houston in time, when I was in labor with Gates.

Cam came home on July 9 and I have never been so excited in all my life. Gates and I met him inside the airport – at the international terminal arrivals gate. Seeing all the families reunite after being apart was enough to make me all weepy – I am telling you, I am way too emotional right now. but as soon as I saw Cam and grabbed Gates’ hand to run and greet him – my eyes filled with tears. And I will never, ever – for as long as I live, forget Gates’ sweet voice yelling “dada!!!” and running up to him and hugging him. it still makes me weepy now.

So basically – this week reminded me the importance of family and the strength we find in the places we sometimes we forget about (or take for granted). It made it so painfully obvious that Cameron is so deeply engrained in who I am, that I feel lost without him. and it was so evident to me that our growing little family is solid as a rock.